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The Unavailable Father: Seven Ways Women Can Understand, Heal, and Cope with a Broken Father-Daughter Relationship
Strategies for overcoming a damaged father/daughter relationship
Problems between fathers and daughters can damage a young girl's identity, convince her she's unloveable or without worth, and send her into unhealthy adult relationships. This groundbreaking book includes in-depth stories and case histories of a broad spectrum of women over 25 who have recovered and flourished in their professional and personal lives despite the lack of a father's recognition and affection. While the legacy of pain that these fathers leave is deep, there is much that can be done to alleviate and even conquer it. Using these women's stories as well as her insights from her private practice, the author outlines basic strategies to overcome the void left by an abusive, absent, alcoholic, mentally ill, irresponsible, selfish, or unloving father.
- Written by Sarah Simms Rosenthal who has a thriving practice in New York City
- Reveals how to understand the truth about your childhood
- Includes strategies for discovering and analyzing past adult relationship mistakes-both personal and professional
- Offers successful techniques for establishing new patterns of behavior
The women whose stories are told in The Unavailable Father have learned to recognize and change the patterns instigated by their dysfunctional fathers and have moved forward, fulfilled.
See more photos, specs, and reviewsHeroes for My Son
Questions for Brad Meltzer on Heroes for My Son
Q: As an idea, where did Heroes for My Son come from?
A: It began the night my first son was born. I was stuck at a red light, and I remember looking up at the black sky and thinking of this baby boy we were just blessed with. That's when I asked myself the question for the very first time: What kind of man did I want my son to be? I have three children now. I've long ago realized I have little say in the matter. But at that moment, I decided that I wanted to write a book over the course of my son's life--and then when I eventually gave it to him, he'd realize what a brilliant father I was. I'd assumed Norman Rockwell would of course be resurrected to paint the moment, because it would be that perfect.
But the book was just a list of silly platitudes--until a friend of mine told me this story about the Wright Brothers: Every day Orville and Wilbur Wright went out to fly their plane, they would bring enough materials for multiple crashes. That way, when they crashed, they could rebuild the plane and try again. Think about it a moment: every time they went out--every time--they knew they were going to fail. But that's what they did: Crash and rebuild. Crash and rebuild. And that's why they finally took off.
I loved that story. I still love that story. And that's the kind of story I wanted my son to hear: a story that wouldn't lecture to him, but would show him that if he was determined ... if he wasn't afraid to fail ... if he had persistence (and a side order of stubbornness), the impossible becomes possible.
Since that time, I've been collecting heroes for this book, which has been one of the most rewarding projects of my life.
Q: Who were some of your heroes growing up?
A: My Mom and my grandfather. After them, Jim Henson and Mr. Rogers always led the list. Sure, there are tons of others in the book--from Rosa Parks, to Gandhi, to Muhammad Ali--but Jim Henson and Mr. Rogers just always had the biggest impact on me. Maybe it was their kindness. Maybe it was Kermit and that idea of "making millions of people happy." Maybe it was just my obsession with idealistic puppets. But the idea of being the top of your game--at the cutting-edge of entertainment--and you can do anything, but instead, you give all of that to children's public television ... ? Yes. My heroes.
Q: Who were some of the people who didn't make the book?
A: Mussolini. And Hitler. No question, Hitler was at the top of the list of people we didn't want in the book. But as for people that were actually close to making it, it's hard. Especially when you're looking at people who are still alive. I mean, with one bad news day, even the biggest hero can suddenly become Tiger Woods (who I will say was never in the running for being in the book). And the last thing I want is to have someone like that in a book for my sons. Of course, there were other heroes like Winston Churchill, Susan B. Anthony, and Benjamin Franklin--some of whom we ran out of space for, and some who I saved for the book I'm doing for my daughter.
Q: What do you think is the overall message of the book?
A: There's a line I just wrote for my next novel. It says: History doesn't just pick people. History picks everyone. Every day. The only question is, do you pay attention ... do you put in the hard work ... do you hear that calling? Yes, I know that sounds all new age-y. And I'm not new age-y. I just believe in hard work and regular people. That's how every great historic change takes place.
Q: How was writing nonfiction different from fiction?
A: I have to say, it's far easier to make stuff up. But there's also nothing more inspiring than knowing the story really happened.
Q: The book uses a lot of photos, was there anything you found in the photographs of these heroes that influenced the book?
A: I was amazed when John Lennon's people said they didn't like the photo we picked (we didn't change it). And when we unearthed the Mr. Rogers photo, which hasn't been seen by the public in decades. I just love that shot.
Q: If you had to pick one quote from the book, what is your favorite quote?
A:There are two:
"In a gentle way, you can shake the world."--Gandhi
and
"Not everyone is nice like that."--The receptionist in my Mom's doctor's office, when she heard my Mom had died from breast cancer. Always remember: The truth is what people say behind your back.
Q: What is going on with the Heroes for My Son blog and on Facebook? What are you doing there?
A: Finding more heroes. People send us new ones every day. I love sharing them with the world. If you have one, please send him or her along.
Q: Is there another book we can look forward to after Heroes for My Son?
A: I have a daughter. I've been working on hers since the day she was born (let it be known she asks every day, "Where's my book?"). So Heroes for My Daughter is coming soon.
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The Council of Dads: My Daughters, My Illness, and the Men Who Could Be Me
Questions for Bruce Feiler on Council of Dads
Q: A Council of Dads is a very original response to receiving a cancer diagnosis. What brought you to this idea of leaving a legacy of voices for your daughters?
A: My daughters had just turned three when I first learned I was sick. I instantly imagined all the moments from their lives I would miss: The ballet recitals I wouldn't see, the boyfriends I wouldn't scowl at, the aisles I wouldn't walk down. Mostly I worried that my girls would miss my voice. Three days later I awoke with a thought, "Here's a way to help my daughters know their father. Reach out to the men who helped make me who I am, and ask them to convey a different message to my girls: How to travel, how to live, how to dream."
Q: How did the Dads react when you invited them to join your Council?
A: The conversations were some of the most meaningful I've ever had. It made me realize how rare it is to sit down with your friends and tell them what they really mean to you. I think every one of them cried. Even more remarkable was how seriously they took their roles. Overnight they became a meaningful presence in the girls' lives--a new figure that was different from family, deeper than a friend.
Q: What does your wife think of the Council? Did she help build it?
A: The whole experience brought us closer and deepened Linda's relationship with the men. One reason is that if the Council ever needed to convene for its original purpose Linda would be the one who would have to orchestrate it. But more than that, having a Council created a new kind of community in our lives and gave her a window into how men relate to their friends. The experience was so powerful she's now created her own Council of Moms.
Q: Can anyone create a Council? What advice would you give someone who wants to create their own Council of Dads or Council of Moms?
A: I've been amazed by how this idea has spread so quickly. It seems nearly every parent has thought at one time or another about not seeing their kids grow up. I've been especially touched that divorced parents, single moms, military families--so many different people have asked for tips. Some people who lost a parent when they were younger are making Councils retroactively. I decided to set up a website, councilofdads.com, which has a tool kit and a mini-social network where you can communicate with your Council privately.
Q: How are you feeling these days? And what role does the Council play in your life now?
A: Nearly two years after I was diagnosed, I am now cancer-free, though like any survivor I get scanned every few months. (I keep an ongoing cancer diary at brucefeiler.com.) But no matter what happens, our Council will continue. It's the most uplifting community we've ever created; it helps us through adversity; and it reminds us every day to celebrate the friendships we are blessed to have.
The Feiler Family
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Funny, You Don't Look Like A Grandmother
"A mother becomes a true grandmother the day she stops noticing the terrible things her children do because she is so enchanted with the wonderful things her grandchildren do."
Lois WyseHere it is! A "grandmarvelous" feast of anecdotes, observations, poetry and prose that celebrates the glories of Grandmothering! An eight-time expert in the field, Lois Wyse explores with wit, warmth, and candor such weighty modern-day dilemmas as "What to Name the Grandmother"..."How to Win the Granny Wars"...and reveals the truth about that credit card-toting phenomenon "Shopalong Cassidy -- The Plastic Grandma." The perfect book for the Nana of the '90s, it will make you laugh, it will make you cry...it will make you want to run out and buy something nice for your grandchild!
Here it is! A "grandmarvelous" feast of anecdotes, observations, poetry and prose that celebrates the glories of Grandmothering! An eight-time expert in the field, Lois Wyse explores with wit, warmth, and candor such weighty modern-day dilemmas as What to Name the Grandmother...How to Win the Granny Wars...and reveals the truth about that credit card-toting phenomenon Shopalong Cassidy-The Plastic Grandma. The perfectbook for the Nana of the '90s, it will make you laugh, it will make you cry...it will make you want to run out and buy something nice for your grandchild!Here it is! A "grandmarvelous" feast of anecdotes, observations, poetry and prose that celebrates the glories of Grandmothering! An eight-time expert in the field, Lois Wyse explores with wit, warmth, and candor such weighty modern-day dilemmas as What to Name the Grandmother...How to Win the Granny Wars...and reveals the truth about that credit card-toting phenomenon Shopalong Cassidy-The Plastic Grandma. The perfect book for the Nana of the '90s, it will make you laugh, it will make you cry...it will make you want to run out and buy something nice for your grandchild! See more photos, specs, and reviewsDon't Make Me Count to Three: a Mom's Look at Heart-Oriented Discipline
Ginger Plowman encourages and equips moms to reach past the outward behavior of their children and dive deeply into the issues of the heart. Giinger's candid approach will help moms move beyond the fr
See more photos, specs, and reviewsMemories for My Grandchild
This keepsake journal makes it easy for grandparents to share the richness of their lives by drawing out recollections of travel and romance, family and friends, dreams and special places, and more. With photo pages at the beginning of each chapter and a pocket at the back to store letters, recipes, or other treasures, grandparents can now give grandchildren a gift that's everlasting.
See more photos, specs, and reviewsRebuilding: When Your Relationship Ends, 3rd Edition (Rebuilding Books; For Divorce and Beyond)
Internationally renowned divorce therapist Bruce Fisher and his 700,000-copy bestselling guide, Rebuilding: When Your Relationship Ends, have made the long and difficult process of divorce recovery a lot easier. FisherÆs divorce process rebuilding blocks offer a proven, supportive nineteen-step process for putting oneÆs life back together after divorce. Built on more than two decades of research and practice, Rebuilding reflects feedback from, and the experiences of hundreds of thousands of divorced men and women who have read and used Rebuilding. Clearly the most widely used approach to divorce recovery, FisherÆs rebuilding model has made the divorce process less traumatic, even healthier, for his readers. The third edition, revised and updated with the assistance of psychologist and marriage and family therapist Dr. Robert Alberti, continues BruceÆs tradition of straight-to-the-heart response to the needs of those who are divorcing or divorced.
See more photos, specs, and reviewsRun Like a Mother: How to Get Moving--and Not Lose Your Family, Job, or Sanity
In Run Like a Mother, authors Dimity McDowell and Sarah Bowen Shea offer both inspirational advice and practical strategies to help multitasking women make running part of their busy lives.
McDowell and Shea understand the various external and internal forces in everyday life that can unintentionally keep a wife--mother--working woman from lacing up her shoes and going for a run. Because the authors are multihyphenates themselves, Run Like a Mother is driven by their own running expertise and real-world experience in ensuring that running is part of their lives.
More than a book, Run Like a Mother is essentially a down-to-earth, encouraging conversation with the reader on all things running, with the overall goal of strengthening a woman's inner athlete.
Of course, real achievement is a healthy mix of inspiration and perspiration, which is why the authors have grounded Run Like a Mother in a host of practical tips on shoes, training, racing, nutrition, and injuries, all designed to help women balance running with their professional and personal lives.
See more photos, specs, and reviewsThats My Son: How Moms Can Influence Boys to Become Men of Character
Why are boys so different? Why would a trip to the garbage dump be such a highlight in a boy's life? What do boys need to learn in order to become good men? A mother's influence on her sons is unique and valuable, but still sometimes moms don't understand what makes their boys tick. They want to help their sons grow up to become men of honor and integrity, but that's a tremendous challenge. With refreshing honesty and a man's insight, author Rick Johnson offers the advice, understanding, and support every mom is looking for when it comes to raising godly sons. Using extensive research and humorous personal experiences, he addresses tough issues, such as communication, discipline, sexuality, and respect. Mothers, including single moms as well as grandmothers and teachers, will find wise counsel and reassurance in this practical and helpful book.
See more photos, specs, and reviewsThe Mission of Motherhood: Touching Your Child's Heart for Eternity
There is no greater, nobler, or more fulfilling calling than that of motherhood. Every day, as they nurture their children, mothers influence eternal destiny as no one else can. Yet often women are drawn to seek fulfillment outside of God's design, despite their inherent desire to embrace motherhood with their whole hearts.
Today's culture minimizes the vital importance of a mother's role. By catching a vision of God's original design and allowing it to shape their lives, mothers can rediscover the joy and fulfillment to be found in the strategic role to which God has called them-for a purpose far greater than they can imagine.
In The Mission of Motherhood, author, speaker, and mother Sally Clarkson closely examines this God-ordained plan for mothers, introduced in the book of Genesis and upheld throughout his Word. Using practical examples, her own personal anecdotes, a challenging vision, and sound scriptural support, Clarkson upholds the traditional, biblical view of God's plan for motherhood-giving mothers exactly the support they need to persevere in cultivating and sharing their hearts for God, for their children, and for their homes.